• Minnie Sibanda

Top 5 Wedding arguments engaged couples have & How to avoid them.

Updated: Jan 31

1. THE GUEST LIST

The guest list can be a touchy subject, for many reasons! If you are engaged and haven't already had someone say "I hope I'm on the guest list!?" or just automatically assume they will be on the list... then well-done on escaping it, for now! Of-course these comments are currently delayed due to COVID and restricted numbers, but I'm sure it won't be long until they make their way back.


Many couples find themselves having disagreements over the guest list and peoples expectations to be invited. Simply because a wedding is two individuals coming together, with different backgrounds and different friends/family. One partner might have more people they wish to have/think should be there.

& you may not wish to have your partners 10 golfing friends all attend, which then causes conflict between the two of you.


How to avoid the conflict:

The number of guests attending must be based on a mutually agreed budget. Once the number of guests is agreed, give yourselves an equal share (50/50). This way no one can complain! You may find that at the end, one half doesn't have as many guests they wish to invite, meaning any remaining spaces can be given to the other partner. If there are any guests you do not want there, ask yourself what the reasons are and if there is a compromise.. there usually always is! Maybe not all 10 golfing friends can attend, but perhaps you can tolerate 5.


2. UNRULY SPENDING HABITS


Financies.. The boring subject. But also the most conflicting. One person may like to splurge more than the other (very normal and common). If you are a organising king/queen, you kind of win on this one. See how below:


How to avoid the conflict:

Begin by agreeing on an overall wedding budget and list all your wants/needs between the two of you. Then create a budget plan with everything required for your dream wedding.

At M.R.S Weddings we create a budget plan for our clients, then manage this throughout the planning stages. The idea is that we include the needs/wants along with realistic approximate costs of EVERY item/service no matter how big or small, from the venue to manicures/pedicures. You can then clearly see how you will spend your money.


Follow the plan, this leaves no room for money arguments!



3. THE FIANCÉ WHO ISN'T INVOLVED


For some, this works well... but for most, it can become quite disheartening. It is common if your partner isn't that interested in the planning. It is likely that they believe that you have it under control and they trust your judgement. But if it is causing conflict, don't allow it to! Planning a wedding can be very overwhelming, and for some, it is better if they step back from it a little. So do not take it personally. If they didn't want to get married, I am sure you wouldn't have the beautiful ring on your finger.


How to avoid the conflict:

Create ways of making it fun and more manageable for your other half and for you. Why not plan a "wedding chat date night". Pour a glass of wine, cook a nice meal and make it romantic! discuss all things weddings in a relaxed environment. It could make it easier for you both to digest. You can then update your partner on what has been going on and perhaps it will get them to also give suggestions and ideas.




4. THE CONTROLLING MOTHER IN LAW


You may find some family members are more involved than others. Constant involvement from others can mean too many opinions that leave you feeling lost or confused as to how to plan your wedding. Sometimes, the comments and "guidance" aren't so welcome, and the more people are involved, the more likely that you and your fiancé will feel the pressures of it all.. which leads to conflict between the two of you.

There is also that mother/father who wish to invite their whole friendship group....


How to avoid the conflict:

One thing I know, is that family/friends don't mean any harm. They are just excited, and sometimes, they don't know when to back off. You and your partner need to make a pact, that no matter the opinions and comments, this is your journey and ultimately, it is about what the two of you want. Saying "NO", is fine! Just make sure you are ready to say it together. You are a team!

If you consciously do this and discuss how you will respond to these comments, you will find it a lot less distracting.


5. STRESS

With big decisions to make, it is normal to find yourselves overwhelmed and stressed. Naturally, this can lead to bumping heads. You may think you partner isn't supportive or you may not like the same colour palette.


How to avoid the conflict:

Take it easy on each-other! You may be doing this for the first time and even if it isn't your first time, it will be your first time planning with your partner. It is normal to have disagreements and not always see eye to eye. Remind yourselves that ultimately, you are both aiming for the same goal... TO GET MARRIED TO EACH OTHER!

Always remember this when you feel like pulling your hair out. So take a step back, and see the bigger picture. Even if you need to stop talking about the wedding for a couple of days, that is fine. It's a journey and a process. Take it easy and enjoy it.


Lots of love

Minnie R. Sibanda

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